Attention! Our book, All My Friends Are Dead, will be in stores everywhere on August 1st! We just got our advance copies in the mail, and we're totally thrilled with how they turned out. Here's the official blurb:

If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are probably dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends may have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends have been chopped down and turned into stylish-yet-affordable end tables.

Each page of this laugh-out-loud illustrated humor book showcases the tragic downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's-book-for-adults teaches valuable lessons about life while exploring each cartoon character's unique grievance and wide-eyed predicament. From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable.

Here's a link to the Amazon.com page, where you can pre-order the hell out of this thing.

Hey! Jory and I will be at the Renegade Craft Fair in SF on the 18th and 19th. Come find us. I can promise, with 100% certainty, that you will want to be our friend.

Your future friends,
Avery and Jory

1.
“Hey, so …”

2.
“Do you guys wanna … um … what are you up to?”

3.
“What’s that look supposed to mean?”

4.
“I don’t know if, um …”

5.
“Has anybody seen the … has anybody seen the, uh …”

Check it out.

February 12th is Lincoln’s birthday, so if you’d like to impress any history buffs or supernerds you know, we’ve got the perfect gift: an Abraham Lincoln pillow.

Also, February 16th is President’s Day, and you don’t want to be caught unprepared, so peep this Barack Obama pillow.

If you don’t buy one or both of these pillows, the terrorists have truly won. God bless America.

1. Our children’s book—Pirate’s Log—is available for purchase! And sightings in bookstores everywhere are increasing.

2. I Feel Relatively Neutral About New York was just selected as one of the “Best American Facebook Groups” in the newest edition of The Best American Nonrequired Reading! Oh, it’s true! Out of the millions (or whatever) of existing groups, we’re on a very short list of “best.” Rejoice, friends, for this is an uphill battle and we need all the encouragement we can get. So go forth, knowing that neutrality about New York is more than a passing fad, that 12 million New Yorkers CAN be wrong. Yes, we’re among the best. And now we have the proof we needed. (For further group pride, you can always sport our shirt.)

3. And did we mention our book? Yes? Oh. Well, we’re very excited about it. Stay tuned for some news on upcoming events that we’re planning in the Bay Area to mark its release.

Q. Would it be safe to say that you guys wrote a children’s book?

A. Yes. It would be very safe to say that. How’d you hear? One of our moms? They’ve been very proud, lately. More so than normal. Gail, Avery’s mom, has been collecting pirate memorabilia, in case we have a release party. And Deb, Jory’s mom, has been calling various newspapers.

Q. I heard about it from my brother’s friend Anthony. He told me he saw it at a store.

A. Oh yeah? What’d that little prick have to say about it?

Q. He was all, “Remember those guys Jory and Avery?” And I took a deep breath, because this guy’s stories always go off on tangents, usually about some girl who’s not interested in him. So I took a breath and I was all, “Yes, Anthony. I remember Avery and Jory.” And he was like, “I saw their book, today.” And I was all, “What book?” And he was like, “They wrote a book.” And I was like, “Right, OK, fine. They wrote a book. So what’s it about?” And Anthony hadn’t really looked through it too much—he was in a rush—but he said that it was something to do with pirates or boats or water or something. And then he told me this long story about seeing Stacey Hofstetter at the park, which was totally unrelated. And I was like, “You don’t have a shot with Hofstetter, you little turkey.” Oh. I’ve started calling people “little turkeys.” I think it’s kind of funny, but it’s also a throwback to simpler insults in simpler times. You know? “Hey, little turkey!” Or, “Get away from my bike, you little turkey.” Anyway, Anthony doesn’t have a shot with Stacey Hofstetter and this is coming from a guy who knows her better than most. I helped her write her essay on Sweden, you know? She got an A-minus on it. Whenever I see her, we talk about Stockholm. Did you know that it’s the cleanest big city in the world? Stacey and I always laugh about that, like, could Stockholm give everyone else some cleaning tips? Where do you keep all of your mops, Stockholm?! That kind of stuff. I think we have a similar sense of humor. That little turkey Anthony just sort of stares at us when we’re joking around. Anyway, he saw your book. He said it looked good.

A. Tell him thanks.

Q. So what’s it about? 

A. It’s a book on how to become a pirate for 8-to-12 year olds. There are a lot of fun writing prompts and hilarious challenges and rankings and such. It has a lot of funny references and a kick-ass design and awesome art. By the end, you become a captain.

Q. An actual captain?

A. For all intents and purposes. Eight-to-twelve-year-old purposes.

Q. Well, thanks a ton for ruining the ending.

A. This book is more about the journey than the ending.

Q. Does it have a built-in book light, located somewhere in the spine?

A. Yep. It’s perfect for writing at night or finding your keys. Ha-ha. Just kidding. It’s not actually that great for finding your keys. But when it comes to writing at night, it’s second-to-none, other than your normal, overhead light. It’s only second to that. That’s a nice little light, that overhead light.

Q. Is the book …

A. We know what you’re going to ask.

Q. You do?

A. Yes. Is the book waterproof for prime bathtub reading?

Q. Actually, I was going to ask if it’s on Amazon, yet. But since you brought it up … is it waterproof?

A. Oh. No. It’s not. Not at all

Q. Is it on Amazon.com?

A. Yes. You can find it here.

Q. Don’t they have it in a store in the Metreon in San Francisco?

A. Yes! In fact, Jory was just down there the other day and he was just sort of ambling through, playing it casual … but also secretly hoping that he was going to find a stack of Pirate’s Logs. And he did! They were in there. And Jory just stood by the stack and watched people look at it.

Q. That … sounds …

A. It’s not a big deal. He just wanted to see how people reacted. And it was cool because folks were flipping through it and laughing. It was a moment.

Q. Peopled seemed to like it?

A. Absolutely. One kid—and this is an actual quote—one kid, when he held the book in his hands for the very first time, said, “WHOA!” You can’t buy publicity like that. Or, you can, but it won’t mean much.

More FAQs soon. In the meantime, pick up a copy of Pirate’s Log, here!